Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in so long. But I sort of need to post something right now, if no one minds.

My mom's friend, a family friend really, just died. She's been fighting cancer for years now, and lately she's been in a downward spiral. It was getting worse and worse and worse, but I didn't think she would really die. It seemed to big to comprehend, you know? But now she's dead, and it's just really hard. I know she's not in pain anymore, but I haven't seen her in months. I didn't really get to say good bye. My mom is feeling it the worst right now, I don't know what I can do for her. I want to help her, she's been having it hard lately. Just today she cut her finger and busted up her face when she was out walking, she had to get four stitches in her hand. And now this news, it's like nothing good can happen to her. I honestly have felt that way about my life lately, but at least I haven't had my friend die. I should stop fucking complaining about my life all the time, what kind of a jerk am I?

Please keep my mom, and our friend's family in your thoughts and prayers.

I forgot to mention in my other post, but I want to thank everyone for being so kind in my last post, before today. Part of the reason I haven't been on for so long is becase of the fall out from that. I don't mean to be depressing or whiney but for a really long time I felt so out of control. To use a cliche that feels really accurate, I felt like a line that had snapped and was flapping in the wind. I guess I'm feeling that a little bit today too. It was a good day before she died, you know?

Anyway, I want you all to know I read your posts to my old entry, and what you said meant more then you can imagine. I just wasn't up for responding right then, and now it just feels a little out of date. But know that I'm eternally grateful, thank you for being wonderful everyone. If I could beg one more prayer from those of you that pray, and a good thought from those of you that don't, it's would mean so much.