It was very weird this year. Very, very weird. Technically, I suppose none of my family was in town for Christmas precisely, on account of that was the one day these past two weeks I HAVEN'T had family in town. With my grandma's passing away, I've been sort of swept up in house guests, and lots of things have happened that I haven't exactly had a chance to pay attention to. I got my Christmas presents, of course, which were wonderful this year. Still, my house is feeling the recession a bit same as the rest of the world. But my parents are so generous, I have no right to complain and I don't want to.

And when my aunt and uncle came through, I had my first glass of champagne. I didn't think about it until afterwards, really, it just sort of got handed to me. My family enjoys a glass of champagne or wine when they get together, and I guess it was a nice experience being a part of that particular crowd this time around. But like I said, at the moment it blew right past me without pausing to seem important.

Then there was the memorial service for my grandma, the reason people were rushing around my house all this time. That one I noticed when it came at least, but the time leading up to it it's like it didn't exist. Until I got there I wasn't even thinking vaguely about it, I got hit when I stepped into the restaurant and saw everyone dressed all formally, and speaking quietly. I haven't sat in a corner and closed myself off at a get together like that for years, I got over that extreme shyness a long time ago. But I can't explain why I just naturally reverted to that so naturally, I just pulled a book out of my bag and hunched my shoulders up. But when it got around to saying things about her and praying for her, I couldn't help join in I guess. I cried a lot, but honestly I laughed too. My grandma was fierce, to put it in a word. My uncle told a story about how she climbed a fence to cheer him on as he fought a bully, screaming at him to hit the guy. And I talked about how she was the one who laughed the loudest at the Uptown comedy shows my Improv teams a part of, particularly when the humor got filthy and raunchy. There's a lot to remember about her.

We were divying up her jewelry, to put it crassly, looking for things we could remember her by. My cousin is wearing part of her wedding ring at her wedding. And I found a ring in her jewelry box I remember her wearing a lot, a gold one set with very tiny diamonds and rubies. I think it's probably pretty valuable, and maybe I shouldn't have snatched it up. But it reminded me so much of her, it's in a box in my room now. It's beautiful, and I wore it to grandma's memorial, and I'll wear it this summer when we spread her ashes. It's a weird holidays, even if she was never precisely an integral part before. I'm not used to to doing anything, holidays included, with the knowledge that she's passed away still in the back of my head. But still, I'm not so sad anymore. It's more memory, at this point. Oh grandma, I still miss you though.

I've known my grandma Lorrie to always be three things. One, a human chimney. Two, full of old-timey catch phrases. And three, a wonderful grandma. I wish I could write thirty thousand pages on her, but I'm not thinking very clearly right now. I miss her terribly and I can't believe the last time I saw her will always be the last time, that I don't get to hug her or kiss her or talk to her ever again.

The last thing I sent to her was a stuffed animal I'd had on my bed for years and years, hoping that she'd appreciating having it near by. I wish it would have helped her more than it did, I wish just praying and loving someone enough could keep them from dying. But I still love her so much and I'll always miss her. She was wonderful, and I can't put it any more clearly than that.

Grandma, I love you, and I wish you could come back for just one more goodbye. I wish I could see you again. But I can't, so goodnight, and I know I'll be able to say hi again in heaven. And that's probably better than one last goodbye.

It's still college applications and the like right now. I've gotten my Morris one in, and that was my only due date before January. Still, I have next to everything done, and I'm sick of just sitting on everything and not sending it out. I'd really like to go to Macalester or Grinnell right now, though I love Morris too. And Hamline's very nice. I have a lot of good options, if only they'll accept me! Cross your fingers, please, especially for Macalester and Grinnell, which are über selective.

Well, one thing off my plate is NaNoWriMo. 52,000 words more or less this year baby! But I have yet to actually finish the novel itself for any NaNo year. This year I might, but it's more likely I might not. But I'm grateful I got what I did!

Speaking of being grateful, I'm grateful my grandma's still alive. She's doing really badly right now, but I want her to get better. I think about it enough, you think it'd be possible. I'm praying for her, in any event. I hope she's well enough by Christmas to come over to our house, but you never know. Well, I hope I know. I hope I know that she'll be better, because the alternative is something I don't like to think about.

And that's the major topics in my head in three short paragraphs. Thanks for listening.

I really need to stop writing in this thing about once a year. Besides, what if I meet a vampire and need to make an accurate account of my experiences so then a vampire hunter, a psychologist, and a guy from texas can use what I've written to fight him and kill him? I'm telling you, I think I heard of it happening once...

Literary references aside, I'd like to mention authors instead for a moment. Specifically Neil Gaiman. Specifically that I met him. Specifically that, in meeting him, or rather beforehand, there was a question and answer period with the audience where he read questions we'd written off of note cards and answered them. My sister had written -without my knowing it- "my twin sister wants to do what you do for the rest of her life. Her name is Laura, and I was wondering if you could tell her to keep writing." And then, you know what he DID? He said into a microphone, in front of hundreds of people, "Laura, keep writing." To me! About me! Saying my name in front of hundreds of people! And then, when I got to meet him afterwards (I'm telling you people, you sulk near their door for long enough and you can get almost any decent celebrity to feel guilty enough to come out), he not only told me again to keep writing, this time to my face, but HE hugged ME. Not the other way around mind you, but he said "the world needs more writers" and then he opened his arms and hugged ME! I GOT HUGGED BY NEIL GAIMAN! What a terrific guy! Anyway, yes. That was a cool experience I've had.

Beyond that, it's all NaNoWriMo and college essays right now. I hate college applications with an intensity and passion I can't easily express. Just trust me, I HATE them! It's fear I won't dot my i's right and it will keep me from getting into higher education. I mean, really. This kind of stress is intense. I like my NaNoWriMo plot though, sort of Waterworld meets Star Trek meets Fable's imagination. Trust me, it'll be...well, it'll be something. Something good, hopefully!

Well, the three day competition ended yesterday, no awards or anything for team Raiderbots unfortunately. But, seriously, no one cared. The competition was just awesome and amazing no matter what! Even though we knew we were finished right before lunch time, we spent our whole meal talking about next year, and stayed to watch the semi-finals anyway.

If any of you high school peeps have a team and you could potentially join next year, OMG do it! It's a brilliant experience, the energy and the learning and the team building, it's all so much fun! Not to mention meeting other teams at the end is really amazing, just seeing what they did to tackle the challenge, complaining about the problems that everyone met (Bad alliance, namely. Great robots don't move on sometimes if they have terrible teams in the seeding rounds) and geting a crapload of free stuff.

So yes, two thumbs way up for robotics. It's a brilliant program.

Wow, have I really NOT been on here for...5+ months? What kind of an internet user am I?

Well, real reason I AM here, is because my main forum (Earthsong) has been dead for a few weeks. Many of you have no doubt already noticed, and are likewise flummoxed and bothered. Anyway, I have all this fun an exciting news and no one to share it with! Or so I thought...but here you are, so I was wrong!

Okay, so, since I last posted I have joined the robotics team, learned very sparse amounts of technical stuff and a lot about doing the mundane little jobs people who DO know technical jobs require of me. I can drill stuff, paint stuff, screw in stuff and sew stuff. I can make you a flier, I can write you an article, and yes. I can order you a team sized party sub.

Anywho, I love doing the little jobs just the same, because I DO get to help build a 'ahem' ROBOT. Although, as a first year team, Robobot has turned out a little clunky. But she's really fast, which is cool! But today was a big day for her, the regional FIRST robotics competition! We had all practice and last minute building today (We had to ship our robots for inspection about a month ago, so this is the first and last time we've had access to it for awhile) we start our real competition tomorrow. We'll get paired up with two other robots, and as a team we have to rack up points by going around a track, and knocking balls off a six foot tall rack, putting the balls back up there, throwing them over and moving them on the ground, etc. It's tough stuff, considering the balls are HUGE and the robots themselves are pretty big, making six robots in a relatively narrow space with four balls and speed as an object pretty tricky. And fun, don't forget fun!

I've already done a lot of scouting out other teams, for possible 'alliances'. I've seen some AMAZING designs from veteran teams, and so far the tally of free loot it 13 buttons, 2 pens, 1 stress ball, 1 lanyard, 1 miniature dog house, and 1 handkerchief. As well as a few hugs. It's fascinating, it's fun and it's a GREAT enviornment. They promote 'Gracious Professionalism', which is a grown up way of saying sharing. At the competition, you can go up to the front and ask for ANYTHING and if another team has a spare, they will give it to you no questions asked. THis also leads to some goofing off, of course. Favorite request so far? Sonic screwdriver. ;).

May I start off with OMFG I WAS FLOORED! I suppose I was easy to impress, it being my first concert, but just the energy from the audience and the band's charisma and everything was mind blowing!

If you'd like a play by play (with pictures) -

Nightwish Concert = soooo amazing, just to die for. More later.

Well, I think many of you....some of you...maybe two of you? AT LEAST one of you know that I particpate in the kick ass Improv team at my high school. This year, they split it into beginning and advanced improv, and I am a member of the two teams that make up the latter. We're a long form focused group, we do games almost soley for warm ups.

Anyway, I digress. This team of ours is actually performing this year, at a really neat coffee house in the uptown area (hippie/beatnik/people with weird hair ville ;) ) and I was out of my mind with nerves last night as our first show rolled nearer. there were...four other acts, I think. The one right before intermission was the other CDH team, and the one right after was our team, and I thought I was going to be sick when the lights went down for the first act.

Long story short though, both of our teams KILLED! The other long-form improv group, a bunch of professionals actually, was raelly good. But honestly, I think our team got more laughs. The first stand-up guy beat us all, but hey. I can take it.

I even got quoted by the host of the show. Safari-Donalds, eat there now!

XD super exhilarating! I can't wait for the next show! There's nothing more theraputic then laughing, or making people laugh.

Despite my best efforts to blow it up, transport it to a black hole, shrink it into anthill size or otherwise diabolically destroy it, my school still exists, and I still have to walk through its doors come tuesday. Damn.

I don't HATE school, but it has given me no reason to completely look forward to it. It's my friends that give me the reason to look forward, because I'll see them all. My school is only so so. Although football games will be nice to attend, and I love the art classes and Improv club. I'm so conflicted! *dramatic sob*

Anywho, probably one of the things that's especially bumming me out is I'm babysitting most of the day on Monday. Not the way I would prefer to spend my final 24 hours...but c'est la vie, they're coming over to my house at least, and they're sweet kids. Heck, one of them is almost old enough to babysit herself.

Things to come:
1. State Fair. Fun.
2. Renaissance Festival. REALLY FUN BECAUSE I HAVE A PROPER COSTUME THIS YEAR!!!
3. *hopefully* Nightwish concert, if my sister ever gets around to getting tickets
4. Homecoming. I already got my dress for the dance. Last years styles on sale for ten bucks or less. I really don't care if they're 'out of date', they cost ten bucks.

My dad got his Gall bladder taken out, and eight hours before he thought his biggest problem was bad indigestion. Yesterday was a very weird day. He's alright now though, except missing an internal organ.

Well, I haven't posted here for far too long. I see most of the people I know on here almost once a week, though, so I don't feel quite as guilty as I should. Besides. My summer hasn't had anything TOO drastic happen. Here's a list of what took place-

1. I got a Ball Python and named him Spock
2. Finished Harry Potter and cried
3. Went on vacation to the lake for a week
4. Started mending gouges in my relationship with my friend
5. Got assigned a dumb book over summer vacation
6. Had a good time at MITY
7. Basement got finished
8. ate
9. slept
10. watched the final episode of stargate

There, ten things that have happened over summer vacation. Entirely uneventful, I look forward to a more exciting one next year. I hope you all are well, I hope you don't hate me for my long unexplained absences. I hope you, at least, had an exciting summer. LOve you all.

I'm here to scream WHAT IS THE FLIPPIN POINT ANY MORE?!?!????

Speech didn't start well, I thought I had a good speech and ended up being to only person NOT to win a trophy in our first tournament. It went downhill form there, but you know, at least there's the banquet where all your hard and yet unrecognized work is finally acknowledged, Right? Right?

I was the only returning speech participant who showed up to all the tournaments who didn't get a varsity letter in speech. Why? Well, I guess it's because your supposed to meet with a coach one on one every week. I don't mean to complain, gosh and goodness ME no, but let me give you a run down why meeting with a coach didn't happen.

A) my coach QUIT for one thing.

B) I wasn't aware any other coaches were willing to work with creative expression, in the beginning I was signed up for the only one.

C) No one ever TOLD ME I should be meeting with a coach after the first one quit.

D) Last year, I met irregularily, and still lettered under a differen't head coach.

Why is all of my hard work just negated by the fact the coaching was poorly organized? I spend the whole God forsaken season getting verbally pummeled by judges who think creative speechs have to be either air headed or about suicide , nothing with any real substance allowed, and all with the assumption I would at least be honored by my coach. But no, I don't even fucking letter.

I Hate sophmore year, I hate everything that has happened this year. I hate speech, I hate my best friend, I hate it all. Life sucks

Ya'll have twelve days to rank it! Personally, I think it's pretty accurate. Modest, assertive, spontaneous, fickle, and inquisitive is a pretty good description of me I think. But I'd love some input from people!

You know, I read the first two books of the series, and most of the third. But then I lost the book, and I never got around to finishing it. Maybe the movies will finally reveal the ending! I've literally spent years wondering what happened in the end...

Like Sally and Elena before me, the letter has been recvieved and class thy name is Craiggy Wriggy! Woot, Who's up for another two weeks of summer fun with Mike n' Kevin! *runs in circles joyously*

Wouldn't you know it! Life's looking up, the sun's coming in, so on and so forth with the cliches...

Ah well, thanks again for being awesome guys!

I've been keeping an off-line journal lately, so I've thought less and less about coming on here. But then I saw Sally today and we were talking about Elena and I just got to missing the community that is livejournal. I also got to missing MITY, which I post about way to much on here. Anybody know for sure what calss they're in yet? IS VANOORSOW FINALLY RETURNING TO HIS PEOPLE?!?!?!!? Me an' Sally ran screaming around SPA, hoping he'd hear his name. We even asked these two people staring very judgementally at us screaming folks if they knew him, but they said no. Will we ever find him? Has he moved to the Bahamas and set up a secret lair? Did he grow a beard? Learn to tap dance? Find a long lost twin? We may never know, it's like he's gone forever... *Sniff* oh Alexander VanOorsow...with two oo's....

I forgot to mention in my other post, but I want to thank everyone for being so kind in my last post, before today. Part of the reason I haven't been on for so long is becase of the fall out from that. I don't mean to be depressing or whiney but for a really long time I felt so out of control. To use a cliche that feels really accurate, I felt like a line that had snapped and was flapping in the wind. I guess I'm feeling that a little bit today too. It was a good day before she died, you know?

Anyway, I want you all to know I read your posts to my old entry, and what you said meant more then you can imagine. I just wasn't up for responding right then, and now it just feels a little out of date. But know that I'm eternally grateful, thank you for being wonderful everyone. If I could beg one more prayer from those of you that pray, and a good thought from those of you that don't, it's would mean so much.

Hey guys, I'm sorry I haven't posted anything in so long. But I sort of need to post something right now, if no one minds.

My mom's friend, a family friend really, just died. She's been fighting cancer for years now, and lately she's been in a downward spiral. It was getting worse and worse and worse, but I didn't think she would really die. It seemed to big to comprehend, you know? But now she's dead, and it's just really hard. I know she's not in pain anymore, but I haven't seen her in months. I didn't really get to say good bye. My mom is feeling it the worst right now, I don't know what I can do for her. I want to help her, she's been having it hard lately. Just today she cut her finger and busted up her face when she was out walking, she had to get four stitches in her hand. And now this news, it's like nothing good can happen to her. I honestly have felt that way about my life lately, but at least I haven't had my friend die. I should stop fucking complaining about my life all the time, what kind of a jerk am I?

Please keep my mom, and our friend's family in your thoughts and prayers.

Hey there everyone! I'm sorry I've been MIA for wo long, I've been really busy! Nano's going pretty well, I'm just barely ahead of schedule, which is a combination of a good feeling a seriously nerve wracking one. Ah nano, good times.

Um, well, finals are on monday and tuesday this week. Shakespeare with Mr. Main won't be hacing an in calss test, neither will English with MP or Creative Communications with Wordman or Scripture with m. Meeker. no, all those classes assigned big projects due on fridday and now the next two days will just be movies and crap. that means the only classes I have left are math, science, and Spanish. But wish me luck with those, they're all going to be headache inducing! it's nice to only have three tests though I suppose. Plus four big projects. And hours of studying/creating...erm, maybe not so nice. Ah well, good luck to everyone/anyone else who has finals! I love you all, take care!

Hey guys. I decided to create a nanowrimo/writing journal, and it's named thecity_of_luz . Go check it out, by my friend again. That'd make me oh so happy.

I've been feeling rather glum lately, and it's one of those things where you know why you're upset and that your reasons are rediculous, but you keep feeling that way despite. I was sort of swamped with fear that my friend didn't like me anymore, though she told me several times I was crazy, and I've just keep getting hit with wave after wave of panic, like everything's spinning out of control even though it isn't. I think I'm having an early mental breakdown this year, seeing as last year I didn't have any. Maybe that's just fate evening itself out or something. I just hope this depression and semi-terror goes away soon, I'd like to start enjoying my life again soon.

Take care everyone. Do nanowrimo, it's a fun way to drive yourself up a wall.

Fable

Today was Superhero day for spirit week at school. I know some of my friends on here haven't had the best high school experiences (some have been downright awful) but I really love my high school. So when they give us a theme, I generally try my best to go 100% all out ;) .

I, if I do say so myself, outdid myself today. Fancy Mask, fancy cape, boots, gloves, 'utility' belt, the works XD. It was a lot of fun just telling people about my super hero, because I was one of the few who created my own.

The best part was walking home though. At school, people knew why I looked so crazy. But the people I passed on the way home definitly didn't, lol. I got some comic book nerds cheering and honking as they drove by, and a lot of waves. Also a lot of old ladies telling me how lovely my cape was, and a couple mentioning the mask. The best part was the school bus with kids that drove by though. They all ran to the back to see me and the driver slowed down and they were all yelling and waving out the window. It felt really cool, like even though they had no idea who I was and I certainly wasn't a real super hero, the concept of a super hero sort of makes people happy. And makes people smile when they see a rediculous girl walking down the street dressed up to fight some crime :D

Anywho, that's as deep as you'll get from me. I'm sorry I haven't been on for a few weeks, school's started and all. Josh, I will show that letter to Mike ASAP! I'm so sorry, my memory sucks ;_; Have a lovely day all!


P.S I typed this journal, and then spent an hour making a new icon just for it. That's kinda silly...